Violin and yelling

Oh my god, today my violin teacher told my that she will teach me how to play Korobushka! It is an awesome song and it is really really hard, or at least for my level. Anyhow, my "spring break" is coming, so i will make sure to practice at least one hour a day so I'll be able to play the song on the next recital from the school I study in. And, I am going to learn the easy part, but still it is hard, but I am so happy that she actually believes in me and that I'll be able to play it. Slowly but steady.

In other news, the people in my house love to shout!!! What's the problem with them!? Really I think I'm becoming even more sensible with them constantly shouting. I really, really hate shouts and angry people, but everyone in my house shouts: my mom, my dad, my sister, my father, and now me! I don't like to scream, it kills me on the inside because my family says I'm becoming more and more like my sister (a lost cause, moody all the time, jealous, etc,) and that makes me even angrier and makes me shout even more. And I know that screaming supposedly helps to calm yourself at times, but I am the only one that is punished if i yell. Even if I raise the voice a little bit, or if I say a small curse word, everyone is like "Omg! what is your problem? don't become like your sister!" and that makes me angry/sad and I just can't anymore.  

Really, I'm writing this with a knot in my throat. I want to cry and yell all the time, I hate it that they scream at each other all the time. Especially my brother and my sister. And my sister is so annoying! you ask her something and she won't answer, and if she answers she yells the answer, and then starts stupid fights all the time, right now she is yelling at my brother for a stupid thing. She thinks she owns the place. And actually she buys me things, and helps me with things, but I don't like her yelling at our parents or my brother. I want to yell to her to get out of the house if she continues to be like that, but obviously I can't. 

Guys really, right now I wan't to cry. And not only now, but all the f*cking time. Even when I'm in school, if I'm not laughing or talking with my friends I feel really tired and fell asleep, or just space out and cry on the inside. I am tired of getting home and everyone constantly yelling. Specially to me even though I didn't do anything. Like, "Omg, your brother is so stupid!" and things like that. I hate it!! I hate it! I hate it! And the worst part is that I used to put on my headphones with music really loud to avoid listening to the shouting, but my hearing started to fail, so I stopped doing it.

Anyhow, my vacations are coming and I really hope I can get out of my house as much as I can. And if not, just play my music alone without anyone bordering me. Because also, my sister hates it when I play the piano or the violin. Daniel (my brother) is more cool about it, but my sister...Ugh! 

Sorry I wrote so much, but i really had to let it all out.

Lots of love (thanks for reading)

Sophie